I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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