I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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