You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
