i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
