so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
