I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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