i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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