she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
