This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
