we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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