His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
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