So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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