dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
