I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize