I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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