College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.