I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?