Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.