When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So much puke
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...