I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I intend to get homeless drunk
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
