There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
