In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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