Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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