I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
