Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
