The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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