Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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