I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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