12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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