The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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