Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
