Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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