do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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