I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
