And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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