WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
