I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
