he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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