So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
