dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
false alarm. still invincible.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
