this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
