WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
