I never want to see another naked old woman again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize