she woke up with a sticky ear
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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