so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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