She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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