I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
