enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
