i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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