And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
