i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
