i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
