Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
