Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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