There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
