So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
