but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
