I molested 6 butterflies tonight
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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