i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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