I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
